Adios ... for now

I am sorry I am a little late for my usual post, but I have been more than a little occupied the past few days. Why? Well, let's just say that the Trump Administration has definitely stepped up enforcement of the immigration laws. I was driving on the way back from picking up my order of Huitlacoche from my favorite Mexican Restaurant in the world - Mi Pequeno Mexico in Newark, when I was pulled over by the NJ State Police on Ferry Street. It seems that the corn fungus used to make my Huitlacoche was illegally imported from Guatemala (it seems that the US only allows ustilago maydis "grown" from Mexican maize into the states thanks to NAFTA). As the clearly Hispanic troopers approached my car, I rolled down my window and shouted "Matar a los credos gordos" which I think means 'blues lives matter' in Spanish.

"Ok funny man" (I think he must have somehow read a few of my e-mails), "let me see your papers". 

"Papers?" I then explained to him I didn't smoke marijuana or any of these new designer drugs I see advertised on Huffington Post so I wouldn't have any papers. As he was shaking his head and chuckling, I realized he was talking about my citizenship papers! No problem, I live in NJ; we don't give driver's license to illegal aliens or undocumented residents; so if I show him my drivers license, I'm golden. I pulled out my wallet to whip out my license and ... no license!! Gulp!

As I was looking around for where I could have put my license, I caught a glance of my shoes and then realized that my license was at the Play-Mor bowling alley. I was there practicing for my up-coming appearance on 'Bowling with the Stars'. I left my bowling shoes in my office and needed to rent a pair since they didn't allow sneakers on the lanes. To rent a pair of bowling shoes, I had to leave my driver's license as security ... hey, I don't blame them ever since they began renting Prada bowling shoes. I figured I would share this humorous story with el oficial de policia, we would both have a good laugh and I would be on my way! Not so fast mi amigo.

The next thing I know, I am being hand cuffed and brought down to the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (or ICE) holding cell. I am now totally confused! Newark NJ is a sanctuary city, so how could I be detained and awaiting an immigration hearing? Eating an illegally imported fungi cannot be a serious enough offense to warrant Newark to call the Feds! I didn't kill anyone, steal anything or drive under the influence ... heck, I didn't even jaywalk. Officer Francisco Poncherello then explained to me that while Newark was a sanctuary city, I was detained by the State of New Jersey which isn't a sanctuary state and Governor Christie had given express orders to ship out those free loading illegals ASAP ... be careful what you wish for!

So I now sit in a holding cell awaiting a hearing before an Immigration Judge to decide if I will be boarding a direct flight from Newark International tonight to Mexico City on ICE Air. I am allowed one call, text or e-mail before my hearing and I really don't know any immigration lawyers, so I figured I would write my adoring blogger fans who are anxiously awaiting my latest installment (better late than never). I could use a free flight to Mexico, as I really need a vacation. Anyways, how hard can it be to get back in the US, Trump hasn't built his wall yet.

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