The humorous accountant ... no seriously

I was at my office a few months ago bemoaning the passing of one of my all-time favorite comedians Don Rickles. I couldn't believe "Mr. Warmth" had died. I was telling the staff in my office that this marked the end of the golden age of comedy. Don Rickles was the last of the the quasi-permanent comedic panel from 'Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts'. This program was, without a doubt, the best collection of stand-up comedy routines ever to be broadcast on television. Oh sure, Rich Little is still alive, but he is an impersonator, the mimes of the world of comedy, so he doesn't count. I looked around the office expecting to see nods of agreement and more than a few tears, but instead saw face-fulls of quizzical looks and blank stares; almost as if they had no idea who Dean Martin was, much less Don Rickles or even Rich Little. I tried to explain what a comedic  genius Don Rickles was by telling one of my favorite exchange...

Summer is coming and like most eveyone else, I need to lose 5-10 pounds to get back into some kind of Speedo swimsuit shape. Being one that doesn't mind taking a few short-cuts, I have come up with a few unique ideas to shed a few pounds lickity-split. I thought I would share a few .... so that I can help to Make America Look Great Again! 1. Move ... and I don't mean exercise, I mean move to a upper level floor in a high-rise apartment building. The higher the better. All the diet guru's suggest that you take the stairs rather than an elevator as a way to lose some weight. But seriously, how much weight are you going to lose by walking up a couple of flights of stairs? Move up to the 60th floor in the Pencil Building on Central Park South and walking up the stairs will really help melt away the tonnage. Plus with what you will have to spend on rent, you won't have enough scratch left over to buy food. 2. Chew your food 46 times before you swallow. When I was growing...

Memorial Day is the time where we remember and thank our war dead; the heroes that helped obtain and maintain the freedoms we enjoy today. We can't do enough to honor these fallen men. But that is only one side of the story. As they say, there is always another side to a story and I would like to use this e-mail to honor this under- appreciated other side. For every winning side, there is a losing side. These losing sides include individuals whose  miscalculations, poor planning and screw-ups enabled the US to kick ass and reach the standard of living we have today. Some of these individuals sacrificed their lives in our quest for freedom ... they just didn't mean to. My first story is that of Maj, Reginald Griswold of the British Army. Major Griswold was the morale officer for the troops defending the British stronghold of Trenton, NJ during the Revolutionary War.  Old Reggie thought it would be smashing to hold a drinking contest between the...

I am sorry I am a little late for my usual post, but I have been more than a little occupied the past few days. Why? Well, let's just say that the Trump Administration has definitely stepped up enforcement of the immigration laws. I was driving on the way back from picking up my order of Huitlacoche from my favorite Mexican Restaurant in the world - Mi Pequeno Mexico in Newark, when I was pulled over by the NJ State Police on Ferry Street. It seems that the corn fungus used to make my Huitlacoche was illegally imported from Guatemala (it seems that the US only allows ustilago maydis "grown" from Mexican maize into the states thanks to NAFTA). As the clearly Hispanic troopers approached my car, I rolled down my window and shouted  "Matar a los credos gordos" which I think means 'blues lives matter' in Spanish. "Ok funny man" (I think he must have somehow read a few of my e-mails), "let me see your papers".  "Papers?"...

Prior to the advent of computers, software and e-mails,  hacking  was something that tropical explorers did to get through jungle over-growth and a  hack  was a taxi cab or a professional who didn't do a very good job, like the hacks at the Washington Post. Life was simple then, no voice mail, e-mail, texts or cell phones. When you left work, you left work. If someone needed to find you they would page you (if you were really important) or they would simply have to wait until the next work day. Security meant that you locked your front door, office or car when you were away.  As amazing as it may seem, we actually survived.   Once the age of computers and e-mails hit, life would never be the same. Everyone and everything was accessible 24\7. Need a few greenbacks? Cash was an ATM away. Hungry? Seamless will deliver . Need a hack? Uber is at your service ... except now a taxi isn't the first thing you think o...

With the possible exception of being hit in the groin by a Aroldis Chapman fastball, the worst feeling in sports is when your favorite hockey team gets eliminated from the playoffs. The hockey regular season is a grueling seven month ordeal for hockey fans. The highs and lows felt during the regular season are unlike those felt by the fans of any other sport. These wide mood swings cause hockey fans to become extremely emotionally invested in their teams by the end of the season. And if  your team makes the play-offs, the vision of drinking from Lord Stanley's Cup becomes indelibly etched in a fan's mind. It seems so real you can actually taste it ... The taste is a little funky from all the silver polish residue on the cup, but what a gloriously funky residue taste it is. The play-offs continue this roller coaster ride but with vastly higher peaks and much lower troughs. Rick Nash nets a game winner against Montreal and you become instant lifelong BFFs with the stranger you...